Poetry, short prose, & general musings.
Sometimes it aches so intensely
I feel I will die
And it isn’t scary
Because the longing in my belly
To touch you
Kiss your cheeks
Lace your fingers through mine
The dread of a repeated realization
That you are truly gone forever
Is too much to bear
Almost
For I am still here
Holding this burden of grief
Of times long past
When our days intertwined
And the warmth of our bodies
Created a gift
That will never be returned.
Another year
Another empty birthday
Instead of dinners & candles
There is pain & grief.
I have no generic expressions
Or contrite rhymes
To express the reality
That you are still gone.
You are at peace
And we are still here.
We have no choice
But to move, grow, learn.
We close our eyes for a moment
Remembering you.
We open our eyes
And take a step forward.
Doctors can’t figure
What is going awry
With daddy’s heart.
Won’t beat on time
Rhythm out of whack
Arteries too small
To carry life to his bones.
Time after time
Changing medications
Cutting him open.
Never works quite right.
What the docs don’t know
What I wish I could explain
Is the organ is simply this-
Broken.
The child he raised
Loved with his whole self
Left this place forever.
Daddy’s soul severed that day.
The grief he carries
The literal weight of the world
It’s something modern medicine
Can never explain.
Only time & Jesus
Can heal his heart now.
“So, do you have any siblings?”
A innocent question
Which cuts like a knife.
I panic.
“No.”
“Oh, so you’re an only child?
How was that?”
My heart races.
I make up something
And quickly change the subject.
The guilt of this interaction
Weighs on me for weeks.
Why was I not brave enough?
To claim him, share his story?
After all the people I’ve met
Since he left seven years ago-
Somehow this question
Still does that to me.
Grief is a changeling .
A teacher, a wrecking ball, a friend.
There will always be moments
That shake me to my core.
My prayer is they will guide me
Towards a deeper love.
Kacie B. Sharpe 